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[ninefox]

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[callmefives]

"I just... wanted to get it over with," he admits quietly. "If he had something to say I just wanted it done."

[ninefox]

"Okay," Jedao murmurs. "Fuck, I'm so sorry for putting you both through this."

[callmefives]

"Not your fault I was stupid and he's an asshole," Fives mutters hoarsely. "Should've known he didn't really mean it." It must have just been something he'd said to make sure Fives wouldn't give him trouble over deciding to stay.

[ninefox]

"It's my fault you're scared and in pain."

He doesn't say 'both,' but he means it. He doesn't say that Quentin turns into an absolute prick when he's hurting enough. He doesn't totally mean it as a defense, just as a truth, but -

"Didn't mean what, cyar'ika?"

[callmefives]

He'd like to object, to claim that he's not frightened, not in pain, but... that would be lying.

"That he wanted to be family. Shouldn've known he was just trying to pacify me."

[ninefox]

"Did he say that?" Jedao asks, instead of I don't think he was doing that. Or worse, I don't think he would do that.

[callmefives]

He can't hold back a short, bitter huff of a laugh at the question. "You watched it," he rasps, and rubs his face against Jedao's leg. He wishes he hadn't had to listen to it again. "And then... he said he'd wanted to ask me about it, but told me not to say anything, and he'd already told me to leave anyway."

He sucks in a shuddering breath. "He can go fuck himself." He won't be stupid enough to trust him again, he shouldn't have been stupid enough to do it the first time.

[ninefox]

"Yeah."

He scratches his fingers through Fives' hair.

"You weren't being stupid, darling. I don't think he was just pacifying you, or that meant any of the shit he said, but he was still a complete asshole to say it."

[callmefives]

"If he didn't mean it he wouldn't have said it," Fives insists flatly. "And if he gave a damn he wouldn't have either."

[ninefox]

"Not everyone is as gloriously straightforward as you, my darling," Jedao says, and it's his smitten voice, soft and awestruck as ever, making the whole thing into endearment more than argument.

"What else do you want to tell me?"

[callmefives]

"Don't. Please," he mumbles, and feels almost immediately guilty for saying it. But no matter how much Jedao means it as praise it still feels like justification for Quentin, and he doesn't want to hear it.

"I don't-" He shakes his head a little, rocking it against Jedao's leg. "Nothing. Shouldn't have said anything at all." Because he doesn't feel any better for it, and now he's dumped it all on Jedao as well. He wraps his arms around himself, holding tight to keep from reaching for Jedao... he misses being held so much.

[ninefox]

"Okay. I want to try something. Would it be okay if I tied your wrists, and then curled up on top of you?"

Irony of ironies, it's thanks to Quentin and the soft fox afternoon that Jedao got the kick in the pants he needed to start figuring out ways to hack his fucking problem.

[callmefives]

"Please," he answers instantly, almost choking on the single word, and has to make himself stay still to keep from immediately throwing himself into the search for rope.

[ninefox]

"Okay. Get your shirt off and lie on your back for me. Arms above your head, eyes closed," Jedao directs.

[callmefives]

He sits up carefully, arms still wrapped around himself, and only when Jedao has moved away does he shift to strip his shirt off. Then he stretches out obediently on his back, arms stretched out above his head and, after one more long look at Jedao, closes his eyes.

"Maybe... maybe it would be better if I laid on my stomach?" he suggests after a moment, his voice desperately steady but almost a whisper. It will be so hard to remember not to hold him this way, he thinks, even with his wrists bound... and harder still to hide the tears he can already feel prickling at the corners of his eyes.

[ninefox]

"Why would that be better?" Jedao asks, in a calm neutral voice as he grabs soft, strong hemp rope from the bottom of a drawer.

[callmefives]

He keeps his eyes closed, keeps very still. "Because even with my wrists tied I could still, uh... still hold you?" he whispers, and then his face scrunches up a little as he thinks it through farther, and there's just the faintest hint of moisture in the corners of his eyes. "Oh... or are you going to tie me to the bed?" he asks, just as quiet. He's not sure how he feels about that, but if it's what Jedao needs he will absolutely do it.

[ninefox]

"I was planning to. Bad?" he asks, willing to be flexible. "I could figure out something else."

He really wants Fives' chest, though. Wants to curl up and hear his heart beat, hold him as much as he cans stand.

[callmefives]

"No, not-" He shakes his head. "I don't think it's bad? Not here, with you." He thinks anywhere else, or with anyone else present, it would be.

"But I might-" He pauses, and the way his breath hitches a little is visible as his bare chest rises and falls. "... I might get hard?" He doesn't know if he will, he hasn't... not since this all started. Hasn't even thought about it. But if anything could get him there it's Jedao laying on him, and he doesn't want that to be a surprise.

[ninefox]

"I..." He does have to think about it. "I think that'd be okay." As long as he was still in control of what happened. "But thanks for telling me."

[callmefives]

Fives takes another shuddering breath at the reassurance, though he can't quite relax. He doesn't want this to backfire, he's not sure he can cope with it if it does right now, and he feels weak and flawed and inadequate for even thinking it.

"You're welcome, cyar'ika. I just... I don't want-" His shoulders shift awkwardly with the way his arms are extended over his head and his hands clasped. "I'm ready whenever you are.

[ninefox]

"I might have to stop. But I won't freak out," Jedao says, as he walks closer and kneels by the cot, rubbing a coil of the soft, strong rope against the skin of Fives' arm just so he feel it. "I want this." And Fives' need is - terribly steadying. Almost terrifying in its own right, but he has so much worse to worry about, he's just grateful for the convenience.

[callmefives]

"Okay." Fives swallows hard. "Stopping's fine, it's good." But please, please don't freak out on him. Please. He shivers a little at the brush of rope over his skin, gooseflesh rising in its wake. "It's soft," he murmurs, a little surprised by it."

[ninefox]

"It's made special for sexy tying," Jedao tells him, with a glimmer of his old impish shamelessness, as he starts to wind the rope in careful criss-crosses around Fives' forearm. "Would stuff around your neck be worse than tied to the bed? Not tight." Because he saw the hesitation for all Fives didn't voice it.

[callmefives]

"Oh." Fives' lips actually tip up a little in response to the tone, and his shoulders sag a bit more loosely into the bed. It had never occurred to him that anyone would make rope for sex, but it actually feels nice, soft and warm, as Jedao begins to wind it around his arm.

At the question most of the tension floods right back into him, even though he knows it's just a question. "No. Please. Not my neck." He's not sure why, but the thought of it makes his heart hammer. "The bed's fine. Just... maybe put in a quick release? For you to use, not me." So Jedao doesn't have to worry about him using it before he can get away.