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[ninefox]

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[callmefives]

"No, not-" He shakes his head. "I don't think it's bad? Not here, with you." He thinks anywhere else, or with anyone else present, it would be.

"But I might-" He pauses, and the way his breath hitches a little is visible as his bare chest rises and falls. "... I might get hard?" He doesn't know if he will, he hasn't... not since this all started. Hasn't even thought about it. But if anything could get him there it's Jedao laying on him, and he doesn't want that to be a surprise.

[ninefox]

"I..." He does have to think about it. "I think that'd be okay." As long as he was still in control of what happened. "But thanks for telling me."

[callmefives]

Fives takes another shuddering breath at the reassurance, though he can't quite relax. He doesn't want this to backfire, he's not sure he can cope with it if it does right now, and he feels weak and flawed and inadequate for even thinking it.

"You're welcome, cyar'ika. I just... I don't want-" His shoulders shift awkwardly with the way his arms are extended over his head and his hands clasped. "I'm ready whenever you are.

[ninefox]

"I might have to stop. But I won't freak out," Jedao says, as he walks closer and kneels by the cot, rubbing a coil of the soft, strong rope against the skin of Fives' arm just so he feel it. "I want this." And Fives' need is - terribly steadying. Almost terrifying in its own right, but he has so much worse to worry about, he's just grateful for the convenience.

[callmefives]

"Okay." Fives swallows hard. "Stopping's fine, it's good." But please, please don't freak out on him. Please. He shivers a little at the brush of rope over his skin, gooseflesh rising in its wake. "It's soft," he murmurs, a little surprised by it."

[ninefox]

"It's made special for sexy tying," Jedao tells him, with a glimmer of his old impish shamelessness, as he starts to wind the rope in careful criss-crosses around Fives' forearm. "Would stuff around your neck be worse than tied to the bed? Not tight." Because he saw the hesitation for all Fives didn't voice it.

[callmefives]

"Oh." Fives' lips actually tip up a little in response to the tone, and his shoulders sag a bit more loosely into the bed. It had never occurred to him that anyone would make rope for sex, but it actually feels nice, soft and warm, as Jedao begins to wind it around his arm.

At the question most of the tension floods right back into him, even though he knows it's just a question. "No. Please. Not my neck." He's not sure why, but the thought of it makes his heart hammer. "The bed's fine. Just... maybe put in a quick release? For you to use, not me." So Jedao doesn't have to worry about him using it before he can get away.

[ninefox]

"Yeah, of course," he promises. Most of the loops don't do anything at all except add sensation and design; the actual ties are snug and simple, and he has several inches of slack where he's tied to the bed. Not enough to reach all the way down to Jedao, but enough to tug and move, enough to wriggle free in a few minutes if he had to, even without the quick releases that aren't quite in Fives' reach either.

"Does that feel okay?"

[callmefives]

He relaxes again immediately at the promise, and takes a few slow, deep breaths as Jedao continues with the ropes. "Thank you," he murmurs after a moment. For all of it, but mostly for this, for just... touching him. Being near. Being something almost recognizably himself, even if it's just for a moment.

He does wriggle a little when Jedao asks, testing the feel of the ropes against his skin, the amount of play between his arms and the headboard, and then he sinks farther back into the bed. "It's... nice, actually," he admits quietly, clearly surprised. "It feels good." And he smiles in the direction Jedao's voice had come from, small and tired but warm. And almost peaceful.

[ninefox]

Jedao sighs a little, a bubble of relief he didn't even know he needed at Fives' smile. He puts his hands on Fives' biceps. holds him down a little more below where the ropes end at his elbow.

"Good," He leans over him, rests forehead-to-forehead, warm breath between them, nerving himself up for a few more seconds.

[callmefives]

Fives relaxes further at the feel of Jedao's hands resting solidly on his biceps, lets his weight push him down into the cot's mattress. He feels better, more like he fits in his own skin, than he has since Jedao jerked his hand away and threw himself into the corner when his memories had come back.

His breath shudders raggedly out as Jedao presses their foreheads together, and for a moment it's almost a sob of relief. "I love you, Jedao-shei," he murmurs quietly into the space between them. "Always."

[ninefox]

His hands squeeze just a little; he drapes himself over Fives' chest and curls up there, drawing in slow, deep breaths. Jedao's kept his own shirt on, so it's only skin-to-skin against his fingertips and his face.

"I love you too, Fives-shei," he whispers.

[callmefives]

He can't seem to control how ragged his breathing is, how his heart seems to skip and trip every other beat, or the dampness and stinging in his eyes as he feels Jedao's weight settle over him, warm and solid and familiar and loved. Missed like a part of him had been cut away and the wound left open and raw and bleeding.

He feels something close to whole, and it's terrifying to realize how much of himself he's tied up in Jedao... and yet he can't even wish to change it. "Thank you," he whispers again, and turns his head just enough to brush his tears off against his own biceps where it's pressed close to his face.

[ninefox]

"Thank you," Jedao answers, voice hushed so it won't quaver.

[callmefives]

He probably shouldn't have even worried, he's too relieved and overwhelmed and exhausted in almost equal measure for getting turned on to be more than a vague and distant thought. He just wants this; the comfort of Jedao's weight on him, pressing him down and making him feel grounded and solid and real. It's not even so bad that he can't touch in turn, the feel of the rope at his forearms is almost comforting in its own way. It... makes him feel like Jedao's. Wanted and claimed.

"We can stay this way as long you want," he murmurs. "Feels so good like this."

[ninefox]

Jedao rubs his cheek against Fives' chest, stubble dragging a little, greedily affectionate and faintly catlike.

"Yeah," he breathes. "I might fall asleep." Fives is so warm. Jedao hadn't realized how much he missed the way Fives smells. "Wake me up if your arms start getting tingly, okay? Promise me."

[callmefives]

Fives' breath hitches again at the drag of Jedao's stubble over his skin, warm and abrasive and catching a little in the chest hair he's finally stopped depilating. So warm and familiar and good.

"I promise, but I don't think they will." He flexes his arms again and wiggles his fingers for good measure. "Doesn't feel tight, just... solid? Good. Like... like you're holding on to me."

He takes a few slow, deep breaths, tension seeping out of him on every one. Things still aren't good, Jedao is still hurting in ways he absolutely can't help him with, but this is good, right now. It feels like the first time he's been able to provide Jedao any actual comfort since this all began.

"Echo and I used to sleep like this, when we were little," he murmurs after a few seconds, slow and deep and warm. "When it wasn't all five of us crammed in together after a really bad day. I mean, not with the ropes? But... we'd take turns. Who got to be on the bottom. Be held down, grounded and warm and... safe feeling, at least for a little while."

He thinks, maybe, that he might sleep too. Just for a little while.

[ninefox]

Jedao loves that too, usually. But right now -

- right now he needs it exactly like this.

"Guess it's your turn," he murmurs, half of a small, shaky smile pressed into Fives' skin.

[callmefives]

"Guess it is, cyar'ika," he agrees quietly. "Get some sleep if you can, I promise to wake you if I need the ropes adjusted or off." And while Fives wishes he could kiss him, even just a brush of lips to the crown of his head, this is so good. So much more than he'd dared hope for any time soon, or maybe ever again.

[ninefox]

"One of these days you're going to start to have a little faith in me," Jedao mutters, not really resentful at all. "I'd believe in the war and you'd believe in me, wasn't that the deal? Still applies even when I'm fighting myself."

[callmefives]

"I have faith in you, Jed'ika. Always." Faith in the one thing that counts more than anything--that he absolutely will do whatever it takes to free their brothers. Even when he'd been angry with him about the soul bond with Horseriver it hadn't been because he'd ever thought Jedao would choose to abandon their war, it had been because he thought he'd been careless, taken chances that couldn't be justified. That he might be prevented, no matter what he personally might choose.

"I know you'll always be there for me." Even if he can't always trust he'll be there for him in all the ways he wants. He tries to, but... it doesn't seem realistic, no matter how often Jedao tells him or shows him or proves it to him. He'll always be his brother, he'll always love him, but expecting to always have this feels like... too much, when there's so much more important.

[ninefox]

"Okay, your dick should have more faith in me," Jedao mumbles, because that definitely makes sense.

"You should try reading me one of those manuals with no pants on, see how long I hold out," he suggests dryly, only half kidding.

[callmefives]

Fives laughs quietly, warm and startled, and really wishes he could kiss him. "Just tell me when, I'm game when you are."

[ninefox]

"I'll get there," he says softly, remembers his much more dramatic reassurance to Quentin, I promise, I promise I'm coming back to you -

He turns his head a little, brushes a soft kiss over Fives' sternum, then settles his head again, carefully letting his eyes drift closed.

[callmefives]

Fives sighs quietly at the kiss, warm and content, and tips his head a little so it's resting against his own biceps. He hasn't opened his eyes since Jedao told him to close them, and he won't, but relaxed and exhausted as he is, he'll probably stay awake, savoring this feeling for as long as it lasts, and watching over Jedao's sleep, however much he manages. It's the first time in over two weeks he's actually had any real hope of getting back to where they were.

"You will, beloved," he whispers in Mando'a, and actually means it. "Now sleep."