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[ninefox]

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[callmefives]

He tips his forehead against Jedao's sternum instead of pushing back up. "How?" he asks quietly. "I just... I don't know how." He has no idea what he should have done differently with Jedao and Quentin to keep things from spiraling so far out of control. When or how he could have said anything, or what it should have been.

[ninefox]

"You did it just now, didn't you?" Jedao points out.

[callmefives]

He draws in a shuddering breath at the realization that Jedao is, in fact, right. Bust still- "But what about before? With Quentin. I didn't know how to fix it and instead I made a mess of everything."

[ninefox]

"It happened too fast. The whole mess about oral - it took us both by surprise. That was just...bad luck. Or my fault for not being more honest with Quentin ages ago. And Quentin and I both decided that making sure the man we love was okay was more important than having sex that particular night."

Jedao curls up enough to press a kiss to the crown of Fives' head.

"And that was our choice to make. So just...let us?"

[callmefives]

"I scared Quentin, and... made him feel like I didn't want him there." That still hurts a bit. And no matter what he knows intellectually, he still has the residual feeling of having been an interloper. "And I don't know how to keep it from happening again." Because much as he hates it, he knows himself well enough to know he's not going to just magically get over his issues.

[ninefox]

"When Quentin's brain lie bites him, it's your fault for hurting him, but when your brain lie bites you, it's still your fault for not being able to knowledge-ninja nerve strike your way out of it. I get it."

Jedao pats the back of Fives' head.

"I like it. Simple. Consistent."

[callmefives]

"You're an asshole," he mumbles wetly against Jedao's chest. "I married an asshole."

[ninefox]

"You did. And now you're stuck with me," Jedao replies, the dig of his nails in Fives' shoulder and the tight cinch of one leg betraying just a shred of nervousness that makes it not entirely a joke.

[callmefives]

"My asshole," he agrees, and shimmies up a little to kiss Jedao's neck and then the underside of his jaw. "And I get to keep you forever."

[ninefox]

Jedao shudders softly, breath slipping out in a sigh.

"You'd better," he murmurs.

[callmefives]

"Just try and get rid of me," he answers, and pushes up the last little bit to kiss Jedao on the lips, slow and deep. Though they both know it's just bravado, that it would be painfully easy for Jedao to get rid of him if he ever decided he wanted to, but he'll never ever be the one to end it... and he's more and more confident every day that Jedao never will either.

[ninefox]

Bravado or not, Jedao whimpers a little into the kiss and clutches Fives tighter, his entire body begging, never, never, never.

[callmefives]

He can't resist it, even if he's not sure they've actually talked about whatever it is Quentin wanted them to... though they've talked about a lot, so maybe they have? Either way, with Jedao clinging to him like that, whimpering into the kiss, he's not interested in talking anymore, and he deftly opens Jedao's uniform with the ease of long practice, so he can tug it out of the way and get his hand on bare skin.

[ninefox]

He groans and arches up into Fives’ hands, not really hard yet but wrung out with feelings, desperate for the affirmation of touch, the solid loving warmth of it.

[callmefives]

He's not hard either, not even close, he just wants to touch and be touched. He slides one big hand behind Jedao's head to cradle it gently while he kisses him again, deep and slow and painstakingly thorough, while the other hand slides up his flank, fingertips picking out scars and the slight divots between his ribs.

"I love you so much, ner'riduur," he murmurs against his lips, then nips Jedao's bottom lip before peppering his cheeks and jaw and the corners of his mouth with small, tender kisses.

[ninefox]

"My Fives," Jedao murmurs, Stroking lazy hands up and down his sides, up and down his back, but mostly just letting himself be kissed, touched, taken. "Yours."

He closes his eyes, warm and held, lets himself be kept, lets himself be safe, with Fives and under him.

[callmefives]

He's careful and tender and slow, no agenda other than touching Jedao, kissing him and making sure he knows just how much he loves him, how ridiculously lucky he knows he is to have this. Soft, drawn out kisses while his fingers skate over Jedao's skin, quiet sighs of contentment as he starts to work his way down. Following the lines of scars or of muscle, kissing and licking and nipping in places where he knows Jedao still has sensation. Briefly, gently teasing his one remaining nipple before moving on. And then when he gets past his ribs Fives gently urges him to turn over, so he can give his back the same treatment without giving him any reason to worry he's going to try to lick or suck him.

[ninefox]

He whimpers quietly, his dick starting to pay attention when Fives plays with his nipple, and his interest doesn't flag after. He draws one leg up, sprawled in obvious, obscene invitation, and doesn't turn over. He reaches down instead, stroking the curve of Fives' skull, nudging gently.

"I meant it, yesterday. Go ahead, darling."

[callmefives]

Fives drags his cheek along Jedao's belly, stubble catching in the faint line of his treasure trail, and draws in a slightly shaky breath before looking back up at Jedao. "There's nothing I want so badly that-" He swallows and glances down again- "That I want you to endure it just to make me happy, cyar'ika."

[ninefox]

"Right now, I feel good. Safe. Warm. I want - to teach myself that it can be like that. Like this. And I think I'm ready to hear it. I want to be able to do this for you without enduring it. And that means trying things. Tying you up worked. And that taught me a little. It's time for the next lesson."

He strokes his hand over Fives' hair.

"Help me learn, love. Help me win."

[callmefives]

He pushes himself up a little, still not meeting Jedao's eyes, and runs his hands up and down Jedao's sides, slow and rhythmic. "If it's not good I need you to ask me to stop before it gets bad," he tells him very quietly. "Please." Because it's not just that he doesn't want Jedao to endure for him, it's that he doesn't want to have to be constantly worried, in the back of his mind, that it's going to go badly wrong.

[ninefox]

This, Jedao does not say at this moment, is part of why he's experimented farther with Quentin. It's just less fraught, or it was, anyway, before Jedao admitted to Quentin what was going on.

But by now -

"I will, darling. I promise. I don't want this to go spare any more than you do."

[callmefives]

Fives catches his hand and pulls it close, so he can press a kiss to the center of his palm. "I love the taste of you," he admits quietly as he kisses along the pads of Jedao's fingers. "And the weight of you on my tongue." And he doesn't mind that Jedao binds him and uses him, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't want this almost desperately.

[ninefox]

"That...helps? That it's, that you love it. That it's...for you more than it's to me. For the act itself and not just -"

To pin him down, to prove a point, to force him into a corner and make him stay there, desperate and complicit with desire, while she trailed through his psyche with idle-seeming questions.

[callmefives]

Fives rubs his thumb gently over Jedao's pulse and sucks his thumb into his mouth, tasting the salt on his skin, thinking of doing this to his cock, but not ready to take that step just yet. He's working himself up to it, and he runs his other hand lightly along the hollow of Jedao's hip, then in a little to skritch his fingers through the dark curls of Jedao's pubic hair.

"I've always loved it, but... I've never been able to just, to take time for it, before the barge," he tells him quietly, and sets his teeth to the meat at the base of his thumb. "But the biggest thing I love about it is-" He shakes his head a little, worrying at the flesh between his teeth, then lets go again- "Is making you feel good." If it doesn't do that then he'd just as soon not do it at all.