He makes a face at himself-- he should have messaged him, probably, but one thing he likes about the Barge is that his friends are always close and he can just drop in. Like the old neighborhood when he was a kid.
"Aw, geez, Jedao, I'm sorry. I'll come back later-- it's ten. P.m.," he clarifies, since who can tell in this cabin.
"No, s'good, if I don't wake up now I won't sleep at all tonight and Fives will make sad faces at me," he says, waving Ray in. He puts green tea into the kettle and starts it steeping.
"I took a lot of drugs to try to stay awake all week and ended up with my brain inside-out and on fire, which was still better than dreaming." He doesn't need to specify which week. "But there's stuff to do at least. I'm getting back to normal."
"Sounds like a 'no'," he says, guiltily. He should have checked on him sooner, but Jedao always seems so self-sufficient. Like he doesn't need people beyond his inner circle checking in on him.
He breaks off a corner on the chocolate bar and hands it to him as he sits down on some of the cushions near Jedao's cot.
"It's a kind of not okay I know how to deal with, which is basically like being okay," he reasons. It's definitely better than the pinched emotional corner he felt trapped in before everything went to hell. "Once I fell asleep while fixing part of the bathroom and woke up with grout in my eyebrows."
"I done that before, and I wasn't even fucked up then," he points out. He still looks worried, but Jedao can sometimes be like Credence: his problems are so big and otherworldly that he can't do anything but just be there, listening, maybe provide distraction.
"He was apparently a full nihilist a week ago," Jedao points out. Innocently self-absorbed as only the young and hurting can be. Asking, and not ready to hear the answer. But asking to become ready, in his way.
"A flaw we share, I suppose." Although Jedao has been stuck on everything for a long time. "Anyway, sometimes you have to hit speed bumps to get places."
It doesn't feel weird, but it shocks him a little, and he looks up at him with wide eyes.
"I-- Thanks, Jedao. I dunno what I did, but... thanks."
He must have done something, and he has felt a little like he doesn't deserve the deal so much considering the amount of wardens Credence has had. But he also isn't going to do anything else but cash it in.
He hums a little when Jedao says that, but he sounds pleased about it--
needs him? Benton Fraser doesn't need anything. But Ray likes the
idea of being needed by him, in any sense of the word.
"Nothing much I miss about home, anyway. Keep you schmucks company a while
longer, huh?"
He lets go of Jedao's hand, but he doesn't go far: he shifts a little so that he can push himself up onto Jedao's cot, next to him, and he puts a companionable arm around his shoulder. Lets him lean against him a little.
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"Aw, geez, Jedao, I'm sorry. I'll come back later-- it's ten. P.m.," he clarifies, since who can tell in this cabin.
"Sorry, buddy, you go back to sleep--"
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"You doin' okay?"
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"I took a lot of drugs to try to stay awake all week and ended up with my brain inside-out and on fire, which was still better than dreaming." He doesn't need to specify which week. "But there's stuff to do at least. I'm getting back to normal."
Whether or not normal is okay.
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He breaks off a corner on the chocolate bar and hands it to him as he sits down on some of the cushions near Jedao's cot.
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"It's a kind of not okay I know how to deal with, which is basically like being okay," he reasons. It's definitely better than the pinched emotional corner he felt trapped in before everything went to hell. "Once I fell asleep while fixing part of the bathroom and woke up with grout in my eyebrows."
Which is pretty funny. Right?
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"So how about you? Doing okay?"
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"Credence graduated. He posted about it, so maybe you didn't see it yet, but he did, uh-- last night."
He's trying not to sound too giddy or proud, but it's tough going.
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"Kid moves fast." Which is approving from Jedao.
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He sounds amused, but he's smiling as he pops some chocolate into his mouth.
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"He's pretty all-or-nothing. You gotta care about everything or nothing-- I mean, it ain't like that, if you ask me. Too hard."
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"And, um-- it means Beth is going to get her life back."
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"Good," he murmurs, plain and sure and strong.
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"I can't give her her past back, but she'll have a future."
His thumb strokes firmly over Jedao's knuckles.
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Ray isn't one of his junior officers, even if he kind of feels like it sometimes, Kel-brash and Kel-bright.
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"I-- Thanks, Jedao. I dunno what I did, but... thanks."
He must have done something, and he has felt a little like he doesn't deserve the deal so much considering the amount of wardens Credence has had. But he also isn't going to do anything else but cash it in.
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“Will you - are you going to stay?”
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"Yeah. I can't leave Fraser behind. I'll stick around at least until he's graduated."
His voice goes even softer when he talks about Fraser.
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“Good. He needs you.” And Jedao would miss him. Not that he’d ever ask someone to stay just for that.
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He hums a little when Jedao says that, but he sounds pleased about it-- needs him? Benton Fraser doesn't need anything. But Ray likes the idea of being needed by him, in any sense of the word.
"Nothing much I miss about home, anyway. Keep you schmucks company a while longer, huh?"
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"You're way too nice to me," he mutters.