He doesn't know how to want anything else, he's never been allowed the space or time or freedom to even imagine wanting more than to serve honorably and die serving, and he's lost that chance. He doesn't see any point without his brothers and his honor and his service. Doesn't see a way to want anything but for the short, tattered misery of his life to end when he's lost the only things that ever gave it meaning, and he struggles weakly to turn away, eyes clenched shut because the dark is just as fearsome with them open.