I don't think he and I are going to be able to talk again for awhile. He's badly hurt, in a way that isn't going to make it possible for us to talk about the fact that he really fucking hurt me too, although probably to a lesser extent. I can't just swallow it, and it'd be inappropriate to ask him to help me work through it. But the alternative is just to let it fester, and that's not going to go well. And you can't mediate when you can't look at me.

So.